Dealing With Your Divorce Peacefully
Divorce can be a very painful transitional part of life. This is especially true when there are children involved, since the entire dynamic of the family will be changing.
However, there are ways of dealing with divorce peacefully so that the process is much easier, the children don’t have to bear witness to unnecessary fighting and you may possibly even forge a friendship with your former spouse.
How to talk to your children about divorce
Talking to your children and letting them know what is happening is going to be a huge part of the divorce process. It is very important not to blame or point fingers, i.e. “daddy cheated and mummy is leaving daddy”. Even if there are hurt feelings behind the divorce, approaching your children and speaking to them as partners to let them know that mummy and daddy won’t be together anymore will show them that you’re still working as a team. They need to know that ultimately, everyone will still be a family, even if their parents are no longer living under the same roof. This is the key to dealing with a divorce peacefully.
There will definitely be a lot of crying and the question “why” will be the main question asked of you two. Sticking to the premise of not pointing blame, a great way to explain is to say that mommy and daddy haven’t been getting along and are unhappy together. Older children may express resentment while younger children may not quite understand what is really happening. Make sure that the both of you let the children know that this will in no way affect the love that you have for them and that you will work together to make the entire transition as easy for everyone as possible.
Splitting up household items
Since “till death do us part” is no longer an option, it’s time to figure out who is going to get what. The person that is moving out may do so in advance of moving all of their belongings, just to get some breathing room for the both of you. Utilizing a storage unit to put their extra items until they are fully settled somewhere else is a great option. The longer their stuff stays in the home, the more animosity can begin to stir, especially if the divorce has some ugly stories behind it. This will also hinder any awkwardness of coming back and forth unplanned.
It is imperative to be fair and just during the process of dividing everything up. For instance, the person that will be keeping the children for the greatest portion of the time should be able to keep most of the furnishings and electronics that are used by the children. Focus should start with items that are need based for each individual and then move on to more sentimental and superficial items.
Keep a positive mindset
While splitting up your family is never ideal, remaining positive and focusing on your future, growing, healing and moving forward toward happiness is a great way to get beyond the ugliness of divorce. Stay true to yourself; remember that this was someone you were once in love with so that you can maintain an air of friendship and amicability in rearing your children. Also, look at the situation as a new beginning, not just an ending. You never know what will come for you next, since as one chapter in life ends, another begins that can push you in a direction that you may not have otherwise experienced. Smile and embrace what your life can become and you’ll gain some peace of mind.